spencer is a girl's name

my name is spencer. it's a girl's name. i have been using it as one.

it's also a boy's name. in the US, considerably more boys than girls are given it.¹ i understand why someone reading my name might picture a man. what interests me is what happens when the woman turns up.

spencer began as an occupational surname, referring to someone who managed a household's provisions.² i don't do that either. the name has been allowed to move on from the job.

how many women need to have a name before it stops being surprising that a woman has it? presumably meeting one counts for something.

put a conventionally masculine name on a woman and it can become strong, unconventional, assertive. these are quite substantial conclusions to draw from the information you need to address an envelope.

strong sounds complimentary. but when the strength comes from the association with men, the compliment gets a little less generous. it starts to suggest that we gain authority by sounding a little less like ourselves.

a man called spencer gets to have a name. a woman called spencer gets to make a statement. even the category "boy names for girls" keeps the original ownership intact.¹ i don't think the male spencers need to vacate it before it can be mine.

my (original)⁶ middle name (עֵדֶןeden), which is used for both men and women³. yes, as in the garden.

even the garden has its complications. genesis describes god planting a garden in eden. one disputed proposal connects the place name to the sumerian edin, meaning "plain" or "steppe," through the akkadian edinu.⁴

its gender associations travel too. eden is more popular for girls in the US and for boys in france.⁵ someone in each country could have a very confident, completely different impression of who is about to arrive.

when a name "obviously" sounds masculine or feminine, part of what we're hearing is everyone we've heard it attached to. someone else has met different people. neither of us conducted a particularly comprehensive survey.

eden also "softens" spencer, i guess. there's a garden involved, the word means 'delight'. but softens is doing more than describing how the syllables fit together. it suggests that something about the first name needs moderating. spencer can supply the strength, provided eden shows up to reassure everyone that i'm still pleasant.

my other middle name is fergus.

i'm still a woman sorry this isn't decided by majority vote. i supplied three names. the imaginary man is your contribution.

there's nothing particularly strange about picturing someone before you meet them. a name gives you very little to go on, you fill in the rest.

anyways my pronouns are she or they. just not 'he'.